Just His Wretched Luck!
by RedCynic
Summary: Tenchi only thought he had it bad...
1. This Is the Story of a Boy

_Author's Notes__: I'm taking a break from drama and writing a comedy this time. _

_This fic was inspired by __Stranger than Fiction__, HOWEVER, it is NOT based on the film. I just fell in love with the idea of a bodiless narrator—that's it. The similarities (aside from one line I couldn't resist leaving out) end there. Still, I must give credit where it is due and the idea of an all knowing narrator is not mine… _

_Also, and I cannot stress this enough, __I am not the narrator__. This is not one of those fics that has Tenchi hearing the thoughts of a deranged fan. The narrator is an actual character from __Tenchi Universe __and, if you read, it's pretty easy to figure out who it is._

_Disclaimer__: Please… if I owned Tenchi, the OVA would have ended MUCH differently and there'd by no such thing as 'Tenchi in Tokyo'… so yeah… I don't own it. _

_Set during the summer after the events in __Tenchi Universe_

_Just His Wretched Luck!_

_Chapter 1: This is the Story of a Boy…_

_ "Tenchi Masaki, age nineteen, was pleased to tell anyone that he was perfectly normal. Of course, he usually managed to exclude a few facts, such as that he was actually a prince of an alien planet who held the affections of several exceptionally beautiful women from outer space. But aside from those minor details, Tenchi was basically normal. Even his physical appearance wasn't particularly striking. He had the jet black hair and plain brown eyes that most would associate with a young Japanese male. The only real feature that distinguished him was the small rat's tail that hung limply down his neck. That was it. Unassuming, generally polite, and entirely forgettable. That was Tenchi Masaki." _

Tenchi Masaki sat absolutely still on his bed, one sock on his foot and the other hanging loosely in his hand. Slowly, his eyes edged towards his alarm clock which confirmed to him that it was very early in the morning. Too early perhaps. Surely that's all it was. Clearing his throat and breaking the tense silence, he quickly slipped the other sock onto his foot and proceeded downstairs into the entryway.

'It's just my tired mind playing tricks on me,' Tenchi thought as he crossed the hill into the carrot field. 'I'm not hearing voices; I'm just a bit too tired.' Stopping to get his tools from the small shed, he quickly concluded that the voice he had _thought_ he heard was just the aftermath of a lingering dream. And so, shrugging the incident off, he walked into the fields and readied himself for a long days work. Soon the sun began to creep high into the sky, and Tenchi's tanned body began to long for the air-conditioned house. Still, he kept working and tried not to let his mind wonder to the delicious breakfast Sasami was probably starting or the relaxing waters of the bathhouse Washu had reinstalled.

_"As Tenchi labored in the hot carrot field, he cursed himself silently for forgetting the snack Sasami had made for him the night before."_

Tenchi froze, he hand still holding the clump a fertilizer. 'It's just the heat-It's just the heat!' He told himself, but even as he chanted in his mind, he knew the truth. He'd heard it. He'd definitely heard it. A female voice, one he'd never heard before, reading his thoughts—narrating his day. 'I'm going mad. All these years of stress having finally caught up with me and I've cracked.' Tenchi hung his head. He'd always known this day might come, but why did it have to come so soon? And why on a hot July with tons of work to be done? He could practically see his grandfather's eyes peering over his newspaper to tell him that, sane or not, the work would still have to be done. That was just his wretched luck.

_"As Tenchi kneeled close to the ground, his mind completely absorbed in his thoughts, he found himself completely oblivious to all that might be going on around him. It wasn't until he felt the small tap on his shoulder that he realized he wasn't alone."_

Tenchi jumped to his feet and whipped around to see Ryoko holding a boxed lunch and looking quite pleased with herself.

Ryoko smiled as she held up the small box, which was giving off the pleasant scent of well cooked food. Although her first instinct was to immediately jump into Tenchi's arms, she saw the handful of fertilizer and thought better of it. Her smile faltered as she noticed the look on Tenchi's face.

"What's wrong, Tenchi?"

_"Tenchi stared at Ryoko, and tried to will a few very incriminating thoughts from his mind. But try as he might, Tenchi couldn't help but notice how particularly stunning Ryoko's body looked in the afternoon sun. Moving as if they had a mind of their own, his eyes trailed down her slim neck and settled precariously atop her breasts."_

"See something you like?"

Tenchi snapped out of his dreamlike state and took a few steps back. A wicked smile played over Ryoko's lips as she placed her free hand on her hip and stalked him with her cat like eyes.

"Y-you—I wasn't looking at anything," Tenchi stuttered, cursing the voice in his head. It was all _its_ fault! He didn't mean to look at her-br-bre—he didn't mean it! Squeezing his eyes shut, he crouched on the ground, his back to Ryoko. Maybe if she thought he was working again she'd just go away and leave the lunch behind. Maybe, just maybe…

"You didn't answer my question, Tenchi," Ryoko whispered, her hot breath curling against his ear.

Tenchi yelped and jumped away, tripping over his own feet and landing soundly on his rear. He looked up and saw a grinning Ryoko towering over him. The light from the sun shinned at her back and threw her face into shadow, making her look every bit like the fearsome space pirate she was.

"Now Tenchi," she said, bringing one hand up to cup her breast. Tenchi gulped. "You can't lie to me." She leaned down until she was mere inches from his face. "You know you're always welcome to do more than look," she whispered, her words practically dripping with obvious intention.

_"For a moment… for one tantalizing moment, Tenchi actually considered taking her up on her offer. After all, he was flesh and blood. And though he maintained a strictly platonic relationship with all the beautiful girls he lived with, it wasn't as though thoughts with one of them had never crossed his mind. And after all, he and Ryoko were alone. And he was sure she could just teleport them to a more comfortable, private place."_

Tenchi's hand shot up to cover his eyes. Perhaps it was best just to not look at all. Then, quite suddenly, a realization hit him like a blow to the head. He wasn't losing his mind—Ryoko was sending messages to it!

"Ah HA!" Tenchi opened his eyes and pointed an accusing finger at Ryoko's face. "So you're the one!"

Ryoko backed up a few steps, and tilted her head as if to see Tenchi from a different angle. Under normal conditions, Tenchi telling her that she was 'the one' would have sent her into realm of happiness beyond comprehension. However, judging from the maddened look in his eyes, she knew instantly that this was not the case.

"The one what?" Ryoko asked, going over everything she had done wrong with the past few days. Was it the time she'd skipped doing the laundry and managed to convince Mihoshi that it was actually her turn? Or could it be the time she stole Aeka's clothes while she was bathing and forced her to wait until dark to sneak back into her room? Or was it when she snuck into Katsuhito's study, played with a bokuto, broke it, and buried it in the woods? But then again, she was sure Katsuhito knew about that as every time he came across her, he gave her this weird piercing look that made her wonder if he really could read minds.

"You know what I'm talking about," Tenchi said, standing with an accomplished smirk on his face.

Ryoko could indeed think of a few things that would make Tenchi upset with her, but she wasn't confessing to anything just yet. He had yet to tell her what she'd done, so she wasn't about to list an additional offence, especially since he'd not given her any evidence to prove anything. Setting her face into what she hoped was a guilt free expression, Ryoko gave him a quizzical look.

"Don't look at me like that! You're guilty—admit it!"

"Tenchi, I really don't know what you're talking about."

And it was true. She really looked as though she had no idea what he was going on about. A small part of Tenchi was nudging his brain and telling him that Ryoko probably wasn't the one. The voice didn't even sound like her. But Tenchi would not give up.

"No, no, I'm sure it's you," Tenchi said, narrowing his eyes at her. "You're the one who's been messing with me!"

"Tenchi, I've been inside all day," snapped Ryoko in a voice she rarely used with him. "If you don't believe me ask Aeka. She cornered me after breakfast and made me do the dishes. I had just finished when Sasami asked me to give you _this_." She thrust the boxed lunch into his hands, turned, and teleported away.

_"Tenchi stared at the spot where Ryoko had been only seconds ago. Looking down into the small box in his hands, he sighed and realized too late that Ryoko had been innocent all along."_

Tenchi sighed, but quickly changed it to a cough as the voice narrated in his head. So, Ryoko was innocent. Feeling like a total jerk, Tenchi walked over to a tree and sat down in the shade. Throwing his gloves off, he opened the box and looked at what was once probably a delicate and ornate display. Now, rice lay strewn over everything and the small desert Sasami had made specifically for him lay mixed in with the soy sauce. Tenchi sighed and picked up the chopsticks Sasami had carefully tucked in. As Tenchi ate, he contemplated exactly how he was going to apologize to Ryoko. After all, it wasn't like he could just walk up to her and say "Hey Ryoko, sorry about all that earlier. I just thought you were projecting some weird voice into my head. Ha ha ha." He shook his head. How could he explain his actions when _he_ wasn't even sure what was happening? 'You're hearing a voice in your head,' his mind quipped. 'Sounds simple enough to me.'

Tenchi grunted and leaned against the tree. He had to figure out what was happening to him. He knew the voice was female. That was easy enough to figure out. However, it was a voice he'd never heard before, and whoever she was, she seemed to have a very intimate knowledge of his most private thoughts. Even if Ryoko had the ability to project thoughts into his head, which Tenchi doubted, she wouldn't have bothered with this maddening plan. One simple scan of his mind would be enough to send her into hysterics (for she wasn't the only one he'd ever entertained in his fantasies).

Tenchi wondered if he would be able to handle this situation alone. He briefly considered going to Washu. After all, she was the self proclaimed greatest genius in the universe. Surely she could find some scientific reason for what was happening to him. 'But then,' Tenchi thought. 'That would include running tests, and I know Washu well enough to avoid that.' Tenchi mentally checked Washu off a list in his head. He thought for a moment later and wondered whether he should visit his grandfather. 'Grandfather does have that weird thing about him that makes it seem like he knows a bit more than he lets on… But then again, I really don't want to admit to anyone that I'm hearing a voice in my head. And I don't think even Grandpa would be able to help me about that.' Tenchi sighed and, after throwing the remains of his lunch into a nearby trash barrel, began to walk back into the fields. Perhaps all he needed was a bit of work to distract him.

_"Tenchi listened absentmindedly at the gravel crunching under his shoes, and tried to distance his mind from the chaos that stirred around him."_

"Who are you?!" Tenchi yelled, screaming into the sky.

_"Cursing the heavens in vain, Tenchi scooped a clump of dirt and threw it into the sky, which really worked to his disadvantage as he struggled to rub the fallen grains from his eyes."_

Letting out a stream of curse words, Tenchi struggled with his watering eyes. Wrenching his eyes open, he stomped over to the wheelbarrow, threw the bag of fertilizer inside it, rolled it into the shed, and slammed the door shut for good measure.

"Tenchi!"

Tenchi whirled around and cringed when he saw his grandfather's stern face right behind him. How did he know? How the hell did he know? Did he have a sixth sense that somehow detected when Tenchi was doing something he wasn't supposed to?

"What do you think you're doing?" Katsuhito pointed at the bright summer sun that seemed to mock Tenchi as it glowed in the sky. "The day's barely half past and yet here you are, looking as though you're through for the day." He folded his arms inside the generous sleeves of his kimono and waited for an explanation.

Tenchi really wasn't in the mood for a lecture. His eyes stung and all he wanted was to go to his room and figure something out.

"I'm sick," he said, which was partially true. People who heard voices in their heads were often described as being sick.

"Weakness," Katsuhito muttered, shaking his head in shame.

"Well, I'll work on that," Tenchi called as he darted past his grandfather and ran up the hill that led to the house.

"Got to figure this out—got to figure this out—got to figure this out—" Tenchi chanted as he kicked off his shoes and rushed up the stairs and into the upstairs bathroom. Panting heavily, he carefully inspected his reflection, looking for any signs of… disease….? Madness? He didn't know, but he checked anyway.

_"Tenchi's mind teetered on the brink sanity as he tried to sort out exactly what was happening to him. Was he sick? Was he dreaming? Did this kind of thing happen to every nineteen year old virgin?"_

"Virgin? Well excuse me for having some honor and wanting to wait until I'm married!" Tenchi screamed, shaking his fist at an invisible foe.

_"Poor Tenchi. Denial seemed to have rotted his mind. Violent urges took hold of him, and in his fragile mental state, he screamed and cursed at his own madness."_

"I'm screaming at you, you sick, twisted, degenerate—"

"Tenchi-sama?"

_"Tenchi froze as Aeka's voice drifted in through the door. Perhaps if he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own problems, he'd have noticed her sooner. 'Now what' was the question that rushed through his mind. How much had she heard? What would she say? Would she think he was crazy too?"_

Somewhere under his eye, a small muscle twitched involuntarily. Using a tremendous amount of mental strength, he forced a smile on his face and opened the door.

"Hello, Aeka-san," he gritted out, hoping against hope that she hadn't heard him.

Aeka stared at Tenchi and neither moved nor blinked for several seconds. Pushing down the rational voice in her head that was actively questioning Tenchi's state of mind, she cleared her throat and told him that Washu was asking for him.

Tenchi managed a nod and mentally thanked Aeka for her wonderful sense of tact.

_"Tenchi watched as Aeka descended the stairs and wondered why all women couldn't be just a little more like her. After all, when Aeka wasn't trading blows and insults with Ryoko, she was the epitome of grace and elegance. He watched as she stopped in front of the door that led to Washu's lab. Her delicate eyes drifted up the stairs, and Tenchi couldn't help but notice how cute she looked as she eyed him with subtle curiosity. Only then did Tenchi realize that he hadn't moved a step and probably looked like a fool to her as he stared dumbly from the top of the stairs."_

Tenchi felt his face flush red as he quickly descended the stairs. Aeka was kind enough to avert her gaze and allow Tenchi a moment to compose himself before he entered the lab.

_"Tenchi's eyes widened as his eyes took in the impressive arrangement of machinery and advanced technology that he had no hope of ever understanding. It was very humbling to say the least and, as he and Aeka continued forward, Tenchi felt a familiar sense of admiration and fear for the brilliant scientist who'd created it all."_

Raising an eyebrow, Tenchi snorted. 'Bit of an exaggeration,' he thought, rolling his eyes as the voice narrated about his so called "admiration and fear" of Washu. He stopped laughing though when he saw the look of concern Aeka was giving him. 'Probably think's I'm loosing my mind,' he thought dismally.

And, as it turned out, his assessment was pretty close because the next thing Aeka said was, "Tenchi-sama is something wrong?"

_"For a moment, Tenchi actually contemplated telling Aeka the truth. He could just see her reaction. She'd probably raise her hand to her mouth, her eyes widening with horror until she finally threw her arms around him and swore her undying love and loyalty despite the fact that he was going insane. It was almost tempting enough to try. Almost. However, a small poke on his back jolted him back to the present and halted the rash decision Tenchi was about to make." _

Washu's smiled widened as Tenchi yelped and stumbled right into Aeka, who was now making no attempt to hide her concern for Tenchi's mental stability.

"Yes, Tenchi-dono, is something wrong?" Washu asked, tilting her head in a way that made her look more like a curious child rather the self-proclaimed greatest scientific genus in the universe. She watched as Aeka helped Tenchi regain his balance. "Is there anything I can do?" She asked innocently, giggling rudely as he fought to control his shaking hands.

Tenchi managed a head shake.

"J-Just tell me what you want."

"Aww you seemed stressed," Washu cooed. Tenchi flinched at the dangerous gleam in her eyes. "Perhaps I should run a few tests to—"

"No, no. I'm fine." Tenchi held up his hands and took a few precautionary steps back. "Just tell me what you needed and I'll be on my way."

"Well, if you insisted." Washu shrugged and leaned back. A small red cushion rushed from nowhere and caught her as she set down. Crooking her hands in midair, she summoned her laptop and crossed her legs. "You can leave now Aeka-san. This is between Tenchi and me."

"Actually, I think I'll stay, Washu-san," said Aeka, smiling a brilliantly fake smile that Washu returned as her fingers twitched treacherously over her keyboard. Tenchi cleared his throat and Washu jerked her hand away.

"As you please," said Washu, her tone constrained. Coughing in a way that sounded suspiciously like an insult to Aeka's honor, she returned her attention to Tenchi and informed him that she had a favor for him.

"What kind of favor," Tenchi asked, a feeling of foreboding settling over him.

"Oh, it's nothing big. Just a teeny errand I need you to run."

"Uh huh." Tenchi didn't like the sound of this. "And what might this 'teeny errand' be?"

"Oh, I just need you to pick up a few notes for me at the Universal Science Academy."

Tenchi nodded, crossing his arms. "You mean the academy you were kicked out of last summer for developing a weapon of mass destruction that was capable of destroying the entire universe…? _That_ academy?" Tenchi smirked as he watched Washu visibly struggle not to do something horrible to him.

"Yes, _that_ academy," she gritted out, clearly irritated.

"Ahh, I see."

"Yes, well," Washu straightened up, composing herself. "Prior to my… eh…_departure_… I was working on some very serious research and I… _carelessly_… left my notes behind. These are extremely important to me, so I was wondering if you would be a dear and pick them up."

Tenchi laughed and if it wasn't for the fact that he preferred his internal organs in their current, _internal_ state, he'd have rolled his eyes too.

"You expect me to just waltz in the Universal Space Academy, without a) transportation or b) knowing where the hell it is, and just demand access to your notes?"

Washu smiled sweetly and nodded.

"Why can't you just get them yourself?" He asked. Washu's smile vanished.

"Have you forgotten that I spent an entire 700 _years_ trapped in a crystal?! I've got a lot of catching up to do! I can't just take time out of my busy schedule to go traipsing across the universe to pick up some notes! I've got to keep moving forward!"

"Then can't you just hack into the computers. You're smart enough, why are you dragging me into this."

"Because, oh ye of little brain, _I'm_ the one who created the security system that protects _all _of the files at the academy, and it appears that my greatness has exceeded even my expectations," she sighed dramatically as two puppets suddenly appeared on her shoulder and praised her brilliance.

"Poor Washu," they chanted. "Sometimes it's hard being the best!"

"I know… I know… it's a tremendous burden I carry," Washu held her hands to her heart as both Tenchi and Aeka fought the urge to just leave. Finally, Washu waved the puppets away and returned her attention to a very weary looking Tenchi. "In short," she continued. "I can't just _hack_ into it. The files have to be picked up in person."

"All right," Tenchi said. "Let's just say that I somehow manage to get there—Let's just say. What makes you think that they're just going to hand over _your_ notes to _me_?"

"You're a prince of Jurai," she replied with a noncommittal shrug. "How could they refuse you?"

"Then why not send Aeka," Tenchi demanded, getting more confused and frustrated by the minute. "She'd be much better at this than me."

"Because, if you'll care to remember, Aeka will be returning to Jurai as of_ tomorrow_."

Tenchi mentally smacked himself in the head as Aeka suddenly found something interesting to look at on the floor. How could he have forgotten? Despite how familiar he was with her, Aeka was still a member of the most powerful monarch in the universe, and now that she was an official adult by Juraian standards, she was now required to sit in on all major meetings. Tenchi felt a rush of sympathy for the young princess that stood so quietly at his side. Guilt tugged at his conscience. Whereas he was completely free from the reach of the Imperial Family, Aeka was still bound and obligated to follow their rule. She was crossing a few lines already for staying on Earth instead of remaining on Jurai.

"So, how do I get there," he asked, defeat evident in his voice.

Washu clapped her hands enthusiastically. "So, you're going? That's wonderful!" Her fingers danced over her keyboard and in a flash of light, Ryoko suddenly popped into existence. "She'll be taking you." Ryoko blinked twice in apparent confusion as Aeka suddenly screeched with indignation.

"W-W-Washu-san! What is the meaning of this?!"

Tenchi watched as Ryoko looked from Aeka to Washu, clearly confused at the situation she now found herself in.

"Yeahhh. Washu… what she said," Ryoko said hesitantly, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"You and Tenchi will be making a little trip, alone, to the Universal Science Academy to pick up some notes for me," Washu replied cheerfully.

"I am? _We_ will?"

"No, you most certainly will _not_," Aeka shrieked, but Ryoko had already processed the words "You", "Tenchi", "trip", and "alone" and a wide smile spread over her face.

"Why of course we will, Washu-_chan_," Ryoko chimed as an assortment of various indecent situations played through her mind. Her and Tenchi—alone?! Oh, the endless possibilities!

"I'll take him," Aeka said suddenly.

"Now, Aeka dear, use your head." Ryoko shook her head and looked at Aeka as though she were talking to a small child. "You're needed in Jurai in less than seven days," Ryoko held up her fingers. "The Universal Science Academy is this way," she said as she pointed to her right. "And Jurai is _that_ way." She pointed left. "There's no way you could make both trips and still arrive at Jurai on time."

Aeka burned with fury as Ryoko's smirk widened. "Don't worry though," she said as she suddenly teleported to Tenchi's side and slung and arm around his shoulders. "I'm sure we'll have a great time… _just the two of us_." Tenchi watched as something in Aeka snapped and suddenly he became very worried about his physical well being. But instead of the usual battle cry and display of inhuman power, Aeka, with a very visible effort, sighed asked Ryoko for a private conversation. At first, Tenchi thought she was going to refuse, but a wave of relief washed over him as Ryoko pulled away and followed Aeka out of the lab.

"Well, that went swell," Washu said, breaking the silence. "So, Tenchi-dono, now that we're alone… how about those tests I mentioned?"

"Actually, Washu-san, I'd better get packing," Tenchi said as he broke into an all out sprint towards the exit. "I'll see you when I get back," he shouted as he slammed the door behind him.

_"Tenchi tried to still his raging heart as he thanked the gods that he'd made it out of there unscathed. Exactly what Aeka and Ryoko were talking about (or if they were even talking at all) he didn't know. But he was overjoyed that whatever they were doing was taking place away from him."_

"Dammit! Just when I thought I was rid of you—why are you back?!" Tenchi yelled, throwing his hands up to the heavens.

"You-you want to get rid of me?"

"Huh?" Tenchi looked towards the doorway and saw Mihoshi standing there, tears already streaming from her eyes. "Oh, no," he said right before she bolted out of the house crying hysterically.

"No, Mihoshi-san, it's not you," Tenchi cried as he ran after her.

_"Tenchi chased Mihoshi around the front yard for quite a long time as her partner, Kiyone, watched with unreserved amusement. All and all, it was turning out to be a very eventful day…"_

**TBC**

_A/N__: Go on. You know you're just itching to tell me your opinion. Did you love it? Hate it? Take a deep breath and just let it all out. Please Review. You'll feel better._

_The pace is probably a bit fast, but this fic is about six or seven chapters long, so I've got a bit of ground to cover. Still, I hope it's an enjoyable read so far. _

_Chapter 2 is almost finished. I've got a healthy plot bunny here, so expect an update soon.  
_


	2. Delayed Developments

_WARNING!_

_Some adult-ish situations at the end of the chapter. Nothing to run to the confessional about, but you have been warned!! _

_Author's Notes__: Yes, there was a different chapter two posted before this one. But after a bit of soul-searching, I've decided that the plot of that chapter is better left in a oneshot than in this fic. Therefore, although the first few paragraphs have remained untouched, I've written about six pages of new material to follow them._

_Anyway, thank you for all the reviews I've received! I hope you enjoy…_

_Chapter 2: Delayed Developments _

"_Ryoko was very displeased. Tenchi knew it. Aeka knew it. Washu knew it. Ryo-Ohki knew it. Mihoshi knew it. Even Katsuhito, who hadn't even seen her that day, probably knew it. And incase there was the slightest possibility that someone didn't know it, she would gladly tell them, in unnecessary detail, just exactly how 'displeased' she was."_

Tenchi gave an exasperated sigh as he tried to ignore the voice that narrated incessantly in his head. 'Like I really need you to point out the obvious,' he thought as he dragged his suitcase outside and stood next to a very sour looking Ryoko.

He struggled and finally managed a presentable looking smile. "Well, I suppose we should get going," he said.

"Uh, huh," she grunted. "Let's just get this over with."

"_This was not the reply Tenchi had expected. Yesterday, Ryoko had been all for their little trip, and Tenchi could only imagine what wild plans she'd made in hours after she'd found out. However, when he saw her again during supper, her attitude had completely changed. And while Tenchi suspected that it had something to do with that private conversation between her and Aeka, he couldn't imagine Aeka saying something that would change Ryoko's mood this much. It was a mystery…"_

'Indeed,' Tenchi thought, for once agreeing completely with the bodiless narrator. 'What _did_ cause her sudden mood swing?' Tenchi wondered as Ryoko snatched Ryo-Ohki up a bit too roughly, earning a firm bite on her hand before Ryo-Ohki jumped up and transformed into the dangerous looking ship.

Ryoko scowled and glared at Tenchi as though _he _were the reason her hand was now bleeding. This was getting ridiculous. Tenchi opened his mouth to tell Ryoko exactly what she could do with this new mind-set of hers, but she turned away and stomped towards her ship before he could utter a single word.

"_Of all the insufferable, unmanageable, unpredictable, intolerable and generally uncontrollable women he had ever met, she was by far, the worst!"_

And despite himself, Tenchi found himself nodding in total agreement as he trudged along after her. He had tried to be nice. He tried to be pleasant—to think that this trip might not be such a bad thing after all. But no! Ryoko just had to be her usual moody self and completely ruin the whole thing!

"Tenchi!"

'Now what?' Tenchi cringed involuntarily and turned to face his grandfather's cryptic face.

"Be sure you keep up with your training, because if you don't, I shall know."

'I'm sure you will,' Tenchi thought and managed a weak wave as he felt his feet lift from the earth. Tenchi yelped and latched onto Ryoko's arm, who, despite her foul disposition, had apparently not forgotten that she was in love with the young man at her side and smiled softly. He was so cute. Despite all that time he'd spent in space during their time as wanted criminals, he still wasn't used it.

"Don't worry," she whispered, her voice suddenly soft. "Ryo-Ohki would never let you fall."

"_Tenchi marveled at the tenderness in her voice and suddenly realized how close he was as her breath warmed his cheek. He gulped nervously as they rose into the main bridge of Ryo-Ohki. They were alone now. Tenchi felt like he'd left his stomach behind as the Earth quickly became a small blue dot against the darkness of space."_

Tenchi shook his head and pulled away from Ryoko, choosing to ignore the hurt look in her eyes as he wondered away and watched his world shrink into nothingness. They really were… completely alone.

"_As the many implications of being alone with Ryoko began to swirl around his hormone infested mind, Tenchi found it harder and harder to maintain his composure."_

'Ignore it, ignore it,' he mentally chanted.

"_For years now, he'd denied his virgin body of the pleasures Ryoko had (more than once) offered. For too long, he'd stayed on the sidelines and watched as his chances wilted into dust before his eyes."_

'Ignore it! Don't pay attention to it!'

"_Now was his chance! Now was his golden opportunity! Would Tenchi finally give in to the desires that picked mercilessly in the dark, perverted recesses of his mind? Would he finally step up and be a man?"_

"Shut up! I'm not like that!"

"Not like _what_, Tenchi," Ryoko snapped.

Tenchi froze, his jaw slack. 'Baka. Baka. Baka!' How could he be so stupid? Tenchi mumbled an apology and visibly shrank under Ryoko's sharp gaze. Ryoko rolled her eyes and fell into a very comfortable looking chair, leaving Tenchi to just stand, feeling awkward as an uncomfortable silence settled over them.

Finally, Tenchi straightened his back and opened his mouth, intent on breaking the silence. As his mind searched for something witty, or intelligent to say, closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.

"_So intent was he on not making a complete fool of himself, that Tenchi just barely registered a faint whistling noise of something sailing through the air before it smashed right into his face."_

'Wha—?!'

"AHHH!" Tenchi crouched down and cupped his throbbing head. A small bottle of pills rolled innocently at his side while a certain blue-hair space pirate snickered no-so-innocently in her chair.

"Ryoko, what the hell—?" Tenchi yelled, standing back up.

"Why, Tenchi," Ryoko smiled innocently. Tenchi raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious?"

"You're going to drug me?" Tenchi deadpanned.

"Of course not!"

But Tenchi could have sworn he heard her mutter something that sounded suspiciously like 'but that's one I haven't tried yet.' But he couldn't be certain...

"These are _Travel Tablets_," Ryoko said, teleporting closer and scooping up the bottle. "This is what we'll be living on for the duration of our little trip." She smiled as Tenchi's face fell.

"You're joking."

"Nope."

"I'll die."

"You'll be fine. These pills will provide all the nutrients you'll need."

"Ryoko, there's no way I'm going this entire trip without food."

Ryoko sighed, grabbed Tenchi's hand and forced the small bottle of pills into his unwilling fist. Tenchi looked at the bottle with complete disdain. He didn't care how many times Ryoko tried to reassure him that he could survive the entire trip on these pills alone. He was human, dammit, and he had needs! His frown deepened as his stomach suddenly clenched and grumbled for sustenance.

"But what about _real_ food?"

"It's just a few measly days. You'll be fine," said Ryoko, who was already getting bored with the subject.

"But—I mean, I know Ryo-Ohki isn't that big—but shouldn't there be _some_ food in the storage unit," Tenchi asked, already dreading the answer.

"It's just the essentials this time, Tenchi."

"'The essentials'? What the hell could be more essential than food," demanded Tenchi, his stomach grumbling in agreement.

Ryoko grunted and grabbed his hand, teleporting them down into Ryo-Ohki's storage area. With a sound heave, she lifted the metal barrier and Tenchi felt his nerves fray as his eyes took in a mountain of sake bottles and carrots.

"_These_ are the 'essentials'?!" Tenchi groaned, praying against hope that this was just some sick joke.

It wasn't.

"I know," said Ryoko, with an air of someone explaining some deep, personal hardship. "You know, the original Ryo-Ohki wasn't nearly as spoiled as this one. Now, I practically have to bribe her to get her to do anything."

Tenchi smacked himself in the face and didn't move for several seconds.

"You mean to tell me that you stuffed Ryo-Ohki's _entire_ storage area with nothing but _sake_ and _carrots_?!"

"It's a pain, I know," said Ryoko, nodding her head empathetically. And it was only because of his deeply ingrained sense of chivalry, that he resisted the urge to latch onto her shoulders and shake her senseless. Knowing Ryo-Ohki as well as he did, Tenchi could understand the carrot part, but Ryoko could have at least squeezed in a few frozen dinners among the barrels of sake she'd crammed into every nook and cranny of the unit.

Sighing in defeat, Tenchi grimaced at the pill bottle in his hand.

'Guess, I'll have to make do,' he thought grimly, his mutinous mind torturing him with tantalizing visions of Sasami's delicious cooking.

"Do you at least have something I wash these down with," he asked wearily.

"Why, Tenchi, you know I always have something to drink," said Ryoko, smiling brightly as she snatched a bottle of sake and waved it in front of his face.

Tenchi briefly contemplated reminding her—again—that he was still technically too young to have any kind of alcoholic beverage, but he knew it was a futile effort. Any cause that Tenchi did not want to participate in was a worthy cause to her, and knowing Ryoko, the more he resisted, the more eager she'd become. And, in all honesty, he really didn't have the energy to deal with that right now.

Sighing in resignation, he opened the pill bottle and popped two of the white tablets into his mouth. Wrinkling his nose at the chalky taste, he quickly swiped the sake bottle from Ryoko's hand, and gulped down a generous mouthful.

"Now, that's the spirit, Tenchi!" Ryoko beamed. "Drink up!"

'Oh, what the hell...' Tenchi thought, taking another gulp. 'I'm losing my mind anyway; I might as well do _something_ before I truly go off the deep end.'

And as if waiting for her cue, the narrator began to speak.

"_Tenchi sighed as he knocked back another gulp of the clear liquid. Although, the taste wasn't anything spectacular, there was a certain sweetness that compelled him to keep drinking. Tenchi supposed it was an acquired taste; though, he had no intention of becoming anything like Ryoko, who seemed to think that a day without drinking was something on the level of sacrilege. Still, it was a nice feeling. After all it was about time he loosened up, and a little liquor was just what he needed to dissolve the rod he had shoved up his—'_

'That's enough of that!' Tenchi mentally yelled, drowning out the rest of the narrator's sentence. Shaking his head, he quickly guzzled the rest of the sake. A small fuzzy feeling was spreading inside his head and shook his head as Ryoko held up another bottle for him, an expression of pure glee stretched across her face.

"No..no…" Tenchi said, waving her off. "I don't drink."

"You just were, Tenchi," Ryoko smirked, revealing two pointy fangs.

"Says_you_," Tenchi retorted. "I don't see any other witnesses around here, so it's your word against mine."

"Very good, Tenchi." Ryoko smiled as she flung an arm over his shoulder and winked. "I'll make a decent pirate out of you, yet!"

"_Tenchi laughed a deep heartfelt laugh. It had been too long since he'd had a good time with just him and Ryoko. He'd forgotten how good it felt to have a bit of fun with her. Or how wonderful it felt just to be around her. He closed his eyes as he felt Ryoko teleport them back onto the main bridge of Ryo-Ohki. Maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad after all?"_

"Oh yeah," Tenchi said. "I almost forgot to ask. Just how long is the trip going to take?"

"Approximately 129 hours, Tenchi-sama."

Tenchi blinked as a smiling Aeka beamed from a semi-transparent screen. Ryoko growled, looking very sullen as she narrowed her eyes.

"It could take _much_ longer than that, if you piss me off," she grumbled, crossing her arms.

Although Aeka didn't say anything, Tenchi could tell that she'd heard. Of course it was just a hunch, but, judging by the blood vessel that bulged from her forehead and the way her mouth twitched ever-so-slightly, Tenchi could just tell.

"Tenchi-sama, I hope you're being treated well," Aeka said suddenly, the sweetness of her voice barely glazing the homicidal edge that threatened a terrible calamity should he answer otherwise. Tenchi could almost feel her searing eyes scanning his body for any injuries or signs of assault.

"_Calling upon his common sense, Tenchi managed to squash the urge to lie and say that he'd just been ferociously ravished by Ryoko and he'd enjoyed every second of it. Of course, being the kind-natured person he was, Tenchi would never really say that, but seeing her reaction would be amusing to say the least. Well, at least at first… Tenchi still remembered the time Ryoko had managed to convince her that Tenchi had her were together, and consequently, the subsequent crash back onto Earth."_

Tenchi abruptly closed his mouth and let the narrator's warning sink in. Valuing his continued existence over a moment's amusement, he quickly smiled and assured her that he was fine. Ryoko scowled, but remained silent, cracking her knuckles irritably as Aeka sighed in obvious relief.

"That's wonderful," Aeka replied.

"So, have you heard much about what the meeting's going to be about?"

"Yes…" Aeka frowned. "I received a message from the Royal Council right before I called you. Apparently, among the usual state matters—taxes, land development, and diplomatic reports—they've managed to slip in an inquiry into my marital status." Aeka sighed and flicked back a stray strand of purple hair. "It's extremely annoying to say the least."

_"Tenchi felt as if all the air had suddenly left the ship. The Royal Council was pressuring Aeka about marriage again. Tenchi felt a dull pain bloom in his chest and shifted his eyes, unable to hold Aeka's unwavering gaze. Aeka noticed this, but due to her upbringing, showed no physical sign of the worry that stormed in her mind. Forcing a well practiced smile on her face, she graciously allowed Tenchi a safe escape from the unspoken question that weighed on both of their minds."_

"Do you know what you're going to say?" Tenchi asked, his voice much softer than before. Ryoko narrowed her eyes.

"Oh, I've dealt with this before," said Aeka, giving him a reassuring smile which, much to Ryoko's displeasure, Tenchi readily returned.

"Don't worry, Tenchi-sama," Aeka said, clasping her hands to her heart. "My heart will always belong to you. I would never let my royal obligations come between the two of us. I will love you always—until the end of time. My love is as boundless as the sky—!"

Ryoko mimed hanging herself with much gagging and sputtering. Tenchi watched as she sank to the floor, twitching as she met her end. It wasn't a pretty death. But Aeka carried on as Azaka and Kamidake began to cry with admiration.

"—As pure as the whitest snow—as constant as the beating of our hearts—as wonderful as the—"

"Well, it was so nice to hear from you, Aeka!" Ryoko said, bounding up from her spot on the floor and flying to the control panel. "That was a beautiful speech, but Tenchi and I have things to do, so—"

"Ryoko-san, don't you dare!"

"Have a lovely time in Jurai and good luck with that suitor business—"

"Ryoko-san, don't forget—"

"Goodbye!"

And with a cheery wave of her hand, Ryoko cut the transmission and Aeka's face disappeared from the screen. From the cold depths of space, where sound couldn't travel, a young princess screamed into the dark oblivion. Ryoko grinned and immediately told Ryo-Ohki to scramble their signal.

"That should keep her off us for a while," said Ryoko with a very satisfied smirk on her face. Tenchi frowned, shook his head, and explained to himself for the millionth time that Ryoko would never understand phrases like ""because it's polite" or "treat others as you would like to be treated". It was a lost cause. Why bother?

Still, Tenchi couldn't stop that nagging feeling in the back of his mind that told him to keep trying—even if there was no hope—he had to try.

"Ryoko?"

"Yes?" Ryoko replied, spinning around in her chair and giving Tenchi her full attention. Tenchi decided to press on before his nerve failed him.

"Why do you have to treat her like that?"

"Like what, Tenchi?" Ryoko said, stretching her arms up in the air and sighing as though she hadn't a care in the world. Tenchi tried to remain patient.

"You know… I mean why do you have to deliberately create friction between the two of you?"

Ryoko gave a quick laugh.

"She treats me the same way, if you'd care to notice, Tenchi," Ryoko said, giving Tenchi a sideways glace. "Plus, it's always satisfying when she starts sputtering my name." Ryoko's hand leapt to her chest and cried in a high pitched voice, "Ry-Ryoko-san!"

Tenchi watched as Ryoko suddenly rose from her chair, flipped a strand of blue hair over her shoulder with a deliberate flourish, and pranced around the ship with her nose whiffing the air. Tenchi's mouth twitched, but he remained diplomatic and didn't laugh. After awhile, Ryoko caught the hint and settled down, her lips jutting out into an often used pout.

Tenchi rolled his eyes and smirked playfully as Ryoko stuck out her tongue in retaliation. So, Ryoko could be a little childish at times… so what? Tenchi couldn't deny that she was still fun to be around. Well, at least when she wasn't stripping off her clothes and clawing after his boxers.

_"As the thought of Ryoko's usual advances seeped into his mind, Tenchi instantly became… uncomfortable, his mind receding into well thought out fantasies of Ryoko seducing him."_

'No, no, no, no—' Tenchi thought as he suddenly turned away from Ryoko, his mind racing to cover the narration with images of human disease from his old anatomy text book.

_"Ryoko slowly striping off her dress to reveal the slim, well proportions body beneath…"_

'No, no no—don't listen, Tenchi! Think of syphilis—the plague—shingles!'

_"Ryoko's tongue snaking out and rolling over two pillowy lips as her golden eyes burned over his body…"_

'NO, dammit, no!'

_"Aeka appearing from behind his back, crossing to Ryoko and seizing her lips with her own…"_

'…'

_"Ryoko and Aeka moaning and gasping, their eyes smoldering as they invite Tenchi to join in…"_

"Oh, shit," Tenchi muttered, his pants now _extremely_… restrictive.

"What's wrong, Tenchi?" Ryoko asked, peaking over his shoulder.

_"Poor Tenchi. Perhaps if he'd allowed himself to develop normally instead of clinging to an archaic sense of moral duty, he'd have been better prepared for what happened next…"_

**TBC**

_A/N__: One final note: I. love. Aeka. _

_Just thought I'd mention that. _

_Please R/R_


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